Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
