my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
