Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
