the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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