first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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