So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
