Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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