No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize