I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
