she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
