Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
