Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
