She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
