my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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