my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
