lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
