i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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