Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
