I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
