She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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