He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found your dick twin last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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