Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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