p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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