I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
