I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
