Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
