9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize