You just made me feel so damn special
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they're like a gay fantastic four
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
