His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
