You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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