is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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