Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
