We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
