i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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