Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
