Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I understand Curling. That high.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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