I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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