I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
