I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
