Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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