my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize