wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Who died my cat blue again?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
