I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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