You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
