It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
