I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
