Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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