I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I want to have your abortion
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
