all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
