New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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