We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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