allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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