I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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