Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
