and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
