if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
