Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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