so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize