y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
