HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
