My liver just broke up with me...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize