It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
