you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
