I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
