my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize