Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
