i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
