i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
