Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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