Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
