eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
