chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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