I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
