I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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