I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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