There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I smell stomach acid.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
