I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have demons in me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
