you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
