I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize