Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
