Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
