Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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