I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You pole danced in your parka.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
