Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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