I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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